Well, it's been awhile since I wrote here - a little over a year, to be exact. In that 12-15 months, another General Assembly has come and gone. Amendments to the Book of Order have passed, and an amendment to the Book of Confessions has failed. And all of that has brought me this day to Minneapolis, where I am attending a gathering of a group which has come to call itself The Presbyterian Fellowship.
On the shuttle to the hotel from the airport, I suspected I was riding with a number of Presbyterians. So I asked, and one fellow said "Well, for now anyway." I started talking with a few people sitting around me, and it came out in conversation that I am an "EP" - which, translated for New Mexico, means that I am a Regional Presbyter. The woman who sat in front of me, who was with the leadership team for this event, asked me, "Why are you here?" Her question sounded a little more quizzical than I would have liked.
So, why AM I here? Originally, I came as a witness to this event. I want to see how the discussion goes, how things are handled, and what may come from it. I also came to support my pastors from New Mexico who are here, whose number I suspect at this point are smaller than I first thought.
I have a nice hotel room. I have already hugged the necks of two of my favorite colleagues, and I am planning to meet others shortly for a beer before dinner. But this just doesn't feel right. It so far, in fact, feels downright weird.
Why am I spending time at a conference where one of the workshops is labeled "Thinking of Joining the EPC?" Why am I at an event where I feel that I have to give and receive the secret handshake before I can speak openly with someone? Where events like General Assembly and Big Tent feel like big family reunions, why does this feel like I'm stiffening up for a fight when I approach the elevator?
I also have to confess that I'm just sad today. I still don't understand why four of the congregations in Sierra Blanca suddenly think that they can do better on their own than they can with us, why things were different from one day to the next because of changes to our Book of Order. And now today I learn that the Presbyterian Church of Mexico has parted ways with the PC(USA) for the same reason, which is going to decimate the valuable and rich border ministries we have shared with them for so long. I just don't get it.
So, why am I here? I guess I'm here because God called me. I'm here to put one foot in front of the other. I'm here living out my ordination vows to further the peace, unity and purity of the church, and to be a friend among my colleagues in ministry. I'm here on behalf of that part of God's kingdom called the Presbyteries of Santa Fe and Sierra Blanca. And I'm here because I still believe with all my heart that if we don't hang together, we're going to hang separately.
Stay tuned - I'll be sharing my thoughts over these next two days.
I have been feeling a sense of abandonment I think, with the "break ups" happening. I suspect that some congregations have just decided the fight is over and they've reached a tipping point. Thank you for going on this exploration. It's good that you're there.
ReplyDeleteThanks for being there and sharing with the rest of us! Others of us have been done this road and know the feeling well. I'm very curious to see if the Presbyterian Fellowship can find any more constructive way forward than their counterparts in the Episcopal Church have.
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting your reflections. It was interesting for me, as a conservative evangelical, to see that your emotional response to the Fellowship gathering ("this just doesn't feel right. It so far, in fact, feels downright weird...Why am I at an event where I feel that I have to give and receive the secret handshake before I can speak openly with someone?") matches mine when I have attended G.A. and other official PCUSA gatherings.
ReplyDeleteFor me, the Fellowship gathering did feel like a big family reunion and I was so relieved I didn't have to feel like a fight was brewing, which is exactly what GA feels like to me.
These different reactions seem to show the division within the PCUSA at an emotional/ relational level between evangelicals and progressives, or whatever it is we call ourselves these days. We seem to have become almost mirror opposites in our experience of the church.